Dealing with CORVID-19, masks, and racism. (Updated!)
Until the CDC recommended that everyone wear cloth face masks, I did not even consider putting one on. I have even argued against masks. I had some valid points like: “Save the N95s for essential workers!” — still true and valid, and “Most people can’t wear them right anyway!” — probably true but it is better than nothing. But if I am being honest, a big piece of it for me is that I am worried about racial violence. I am scared that as an Asian presenting person, wearing a mask would be perceived as an admission of guilt.
While some people have been sitting at home reading way too many COVID19 truths and lies online, I have been sitting at home looking at headlines about anti-Asian violence, and more often than not, I can’t muster the courage to click and read.
The great mask debate, like every other aspect of this pandemic, is shining a light on American social ills, in particular, racism. The Asian American experience has long been one of “othering” — one where no amount of time or excellence and success can erase the appearance of foreignness. So no wonder, it does not seem like a big stretch to connect the scary foreign organism here to attack your body with the foreigners here to steal your jobs and your kids’ rightful place in college.
I am confident and independent, and I’m a self-defense instructor. But I have to breathe through a lot of anxiety and dread to go out and run my essential errands. Once I’ve driven to the store, I then sit in the car and do another round of relaxation breathing so I can put on my mask. I adamantly try to avoid people, 50% because I am responsible and community minded, and 50% because I’m worried about violence and harassment (depending on the day). And EVERY SINGLE DAY I worry about my elders and my community.
One way I deal with stress is compulsively trying to help others. Through IMPACT Bay Area, the nonprofit that I work for, I have been working on developing a free online training on strategies for confronting anti-Asian and other CORVID19 related violence (more info and registration HERE). But I’ll offer two suggestions here: First, breathe, breathing is essential to managing your adrenaline in a scary or maddening situation. And second, talk about it, if something like this happens to you, keeping quiet about it can be harmful to your mental health. Find someone supportive and trustworthy, and tell them about it.
Finally, while this experience may be new for some Asian Americans (microaggressions are more our bread and butter), it is not new. Racial profiling has been a (a government sponsored) thing for black and brown people particularly in America for a long time. We are starting to see the racist fear of black men in America heightened by the use of masks and face coverings. And what I would like to say to everyone is I see you, your experience is real, your feelings are valid, and I will stand up for you against the masked or unmasked face of racism and violence.
Stay safe everyone!